discrimination

I do discriminate.

I accept "ब्रह्मा सत्य जगत मिथ्या" and act so.

I differentiate my non-existence as much as I accept my presence. Without me world cannot exist. I exist even without world.

I differentiate me from my sleep my dream and my sensual world.

I differentiate between me any zero one or many.

I differentiate between individual and sense objects as per their dharma.

I also regard all my senses and their revelations are identity nothing absent and me. They cannot be otherwise.

all my action are meant and performed at my chosen time and places.

I am inflexible unlimited absolute and I regard all is nothing or absent. I am incapable of discriminating me otherwise; even when i am in public and shitting or vomiting without any control; even I am burning alive or swept away in flood; even when .....

I own all

On my reflection of my this morning's dream - status report, I again clarify me and my uncompromising stance>>>

I abandon nothing i deny nothing and i give up nothing.

I know the cost - grief insanity hardship pain and suffering without end. 

yet I deny myself nothing. All is mine and all is divine and I am the divinity the creator of them all not out of ignorance but knowingly. I have no destination to reach and I have no goal. I enjoy all my creation in their entire course development birth to disappearance.

I have not quit my work. I am committed.

I quit nothing. My rule has not changed. All including me is allowed to lie cheat thieve rob kill and commit all offences including sexual offences mass killing ..... whatever.

I allow myself to love anyone and pursue anyone for whatever. All my wish and longing and activity is divine. I allow myself doing any harm to anyone or everyone. I deny myself nothing.

I am divinity and all is divine without exception no matter whatever is the consequences.

I am divinity. I am the rule. My rule is divine. I am not divine or ruled. I do all wrong and always wrong. What I do is always right without exception without explanation.

I accept no rule no truth no ruling no commitment no support no need no future ....

I have all. All is mine. I have none. I have nothing.

I am unlimited. I have all the arrows invented and invent new ones.

I avail myself all - escape forget memory help regret excuse silence words medicine cure hospital law .... lying cheating killing violence discrimination avoidance destruction and breaking all laws without exception....I rule out all and everything. I am committed. 

Am seeing the sky now or seeing someone or something? Do i see a cloud - dream?

Creators role

Bhisma said this in his death bed of arrows, it was inevitable that Pandab were invincible when God was on their side but what saddened him - what was the need for so much massacre pain and suffering for so many due to war, why God allowed this to happen! Besides why there is no end of Pandav' suffering while God was with them always!

Creator had very definite role in my wakeful life and my dream life. It allowed me to pursue build a home and family. It allowed me to eliminate any threat to my home. Till I realized on my own way my approach was wrong and took ma's support. Creator allowed me to stop others to pursue their dream home - they have the same privilege as me given by the Creator. 

This message I received from a dream this morning. Dream is also creator role to compose a report of my state of knowledge just before I get up.

Is there any need for me to write what I just wrote? It is me the pilgrim's progress report for my review. I publish it. It is no mean achievement. I am not ashamed of me.

I once worked in an office briefly and noticed an extraordinary person. In his small cubicle he had over head thousands of threads. Each thread had about 100 paper handwritten memo some long some short. They were ever growing and he never removed any of them, it appeared. He could have very well written a diary as I am doing now. I wish to prevent myself effort of rediscovering wheel - a very important invention lest I forget. Although I know all important is kept automatically in unerasable akashic record.

Creator has guaranteed me my free will (his non-interference) but it did not desert me. He sees me all the time, allows me to do whatever I may like to do. He remembers for me. He pauses me. He forces me to sleep. At the end of the sleep he gives my progress report without any comment. He brings me back to my world - me without change with the same freewill. He aids me with some findings whenever I miss in a hurry.

Creator does all this not ever touching my freedom to pursue my freewill. Knowing fully well what I am pursuing is a falsehood. He, before creating me, created a paradise where all is free all time to come. Even without any need, I was NOT satisfied in my personal paradise of plenty without future. I wished more - a home for my family with secured future. I took ma's help to create personal paradise!

I am no more than a beetle who makes a ball of cow dung and pushes that to its hole - it's concept of bank and personal access to plenty of future.

I was assured of creator's support in whatever I do. If not totally inside my impenetrable self where nothing truly exist, I knew very well that I am protected under His umbrella in every moment of my life.

I was in paradise till I left my home virtually; although I am still in paradise and nothing has changed except my beliefs. I am actually suffering in hell - my future that never was. 

The only way to be in paradise instantly to allow my creation to be in any state of motion to destruction; I let my world be without my touch the same privilege my Creator have given me. My Hands Off! Eyes Off! Ears Off!Minds Off!!!

I pause. My world disappears and I am in paradise with plenty at the same very moment. Paradise is certainly Without Future!

Is there future for any - my family?

There is none. If there is one, I would not ever know. Creator role is to protect me and my creation from all future at this very moment, after creating the moment specially for me. Guaranteed, I have free will to do anything with it.

I am born again and again with my dream to pursue my dream. supply of divine moments never stopped. every moment is his example. there is never any counter example of his existence

jroy

he is the only teacher who invades my dream

he did not know how to encourage our batch although he was our official class teacher for 4 years

he did not respect many and did not respect individual

when i joined his department despite his reluctance I learnt his overpowering dominance

i did whatever he asked me to do except one - i did not submit the dessertation

i got a job - i am grateful to be one of the four asked by dvn and my hardship ended in his company

reflecting back what he wanted is a record of 100% employment in his department

many of us perhaps wanted to stay back at his department but he did not want that

he literally went after us - three - me iyengar and asis.

only recently i learnt from asis that he was sent to kundu's house for a job recommendation but kundu did not oblige

once i went to his house with raghu to plead him not to send any letter to our home address - isi is our home and we are grown up and our guardians at home are no longer so

he chatted with us for hours - him in college, about hostel mate who took over managing mess, his son's school etc.

what was very clear that he did not like individuals even senior professor - once before us he insulted dbasu where were all these days that you wish to improve isi now

jroy too went to usa but returned back after two or three years perhaps

i dream my way back to isi - jroy is no more - i do not know anyone there

what was there in isi that i longed to be back despite jroy's harassment

chhorda or tk could tell perhaps

isi was a home without a hall of fame

nandan kanan org too was home till it built a hall of fame

within 30 years it is forest home for wild animals - illusion

design?

how much of it is true i do not know. how ancients alone for years cold know i don't know. how i heard and believed them i do not know. but it is said every life time as human is a reward to fulfilled task - the dharma that one is born with?

is the their birth? i do not know.

it might as well continuity from beginning of time - before time

i am not calling for attention

i have convinced myself that i am prisoner of self and in my space is clean and empty - there is not a speck of green

my writing is for nobody's reading there is nobody

i have a remote to open door when i come driving to my house. when i was irs contractor i was housed opposite irs building. irs building had a fence that would come up automatic from the ground or go down - it light sensitive network control like my garage door

in the morning i was sitting outside in my porch taking in my surrounding without moving a bit seeping my tea in the easy chair

a bush of sunflower has grown about 100 feet away from where i am sitting - they too have light sensitive water sensitive heat sensitive season sensitive built in equipments and they had it before vertebrates came into being

ancients and now i think we too evolved from those green and grew apparatus in our bodies with marked or named appliances that can be replaced if we are not satisfied about

i have eliminated about 4 very large trees surrounding my place - i was threatened by them

do the tree know when i am killing it - sawing it down - does the tree sends out distress signal

the biggest tree when i was sawing it down a neighbor stopped by saying it is the oldest - i did not listen i needed it down - it was creating lot of sparks and disconnection to electrical poles and it did not have the adequate means to clear the fallen branches that filled the surrounding

in my world all is connected and can occasionally become threatening to me- me?

yes i forget i am forever within myself that has no hole even a pin hole

i am forever in delusions - me and my world

i cannot protect me from my world - they are indivisible inseparable by design

it is afterthought infeasible to implement

is it so?

I am self. i surely create me and my world forever new with life time of one moment.if i wish i make another moment to please me and play with. i do not need life time. do i? i pause every moment and sleep and disappear. i need no fence any more.

sleep is my fence

i am myself

i get from sleep
there is none and nothing
then slowly i start seeing
from my store i fetch my definitions
they are all ill defined
but start seeing things with my definitions
in a playful way i distribute cards
i start acting give and take making sounds
my script for the drama
this is my game till i am bored and exhausted
recess I pause
  

distance measure

Euclidean distance is the straight line joining them and its length of two points in any dimensional coordinate space.

I observe I get up from sleep from some physical inconvenience or discomfort  for some duration. noway to measure how long but it is usually less than say five or ten minutes. As the urgency rises i possible get a timer message the urgent call is happening of many hours in a very short interval of say less than a minute.

After all these passes i am relaxed with nothing urgent to think or do. I write blog. starting with the complex that i have seen just a few hours before. it takes at most 2000 words to reach me the creator of dream sleep and reality of illusion.

the distance of my dream to me is at most 2000 english words. how important is my writing to me. it is invaluable exercise and experience. there is not even any beside me to benefit from this I cannot stop. I am incapable of stopping. If I die in my next birth i shall be doing the same. till all falsehood is burnt to ash and suctioned away by me the creator.

Can I make the distance from 2000 to zero without losing time i.e at this moment? if not i can do nothing but wait - all is same me and i am a puppet suffering perpetual disillusion about me!

as soon as i dream i know - it is me without using any word and logic of discrimination or reviewing its origin in me

i open my eyes i try to listen i don't like what i see what i hear
i sense my body i taste my mouth it painful and distasteful
my body is sick my sense my world i don't like it
i don't like me

this had happened to me in sometime in mid 1977 being zilted
i traveled long distances to find medicine for my disease and i knew it is within my reach
it took me years to put me in order
i am bad and my world is hopelessly bad
i transformed my world from black fearsome to bad to good to nothing
i transformed me from sick insane expecting nemesis bad to good to nothing

i transformed my world from dangerous to divine home
i transformed me to divinity the creator of my world
i changed my coordinate to self my body requiring attention to celestial bliss
i pause world disappear i disappear

i will and live in perpetual paradise living a moment at a time

what is the distance from insanity dried burnt me to divinity
what is the distance between my home in fire to divine paradise uniquely my home where all is free

it took 41 years

but now it takes about an hour at most to return to divine home no matter where i strayed away willingly
i am automatically paused and brought within my self 
what can i expect when i am in bliss permanente 

Fountain of paradise

This is the title of one arthur clark story. Where escape velocity is used to climb a vertical elavator to heaven suspended from a geocentric satellite using rotational speed of earth and it's planetary rotational speed around sun. Imagine another such vertical elevator from moon centric satellite to moon surface. Each lift has zero friction climb and descend vehicle vehicle shaft. Energy used is near zero. Shaft just hangs from heaven just like the satellites are. Planetary travel from satellite to orbiting moons satellite is nearly zero energy cost. Thus a near zero energy travel channel is feasible from earth surface moon surface.

My moments to moments travel is not vertical but lateral. Free of course ride guaranteed at my birth. This channel exists and in operation now, a resting time, to next moment and inductively till me death and many moments before my death where eating shoting pissing are performed with very costly service provider till my body is returned to dust. I have to find out how to donate my body to livings on earth.

Living aside this lateral travel partly costly if I have maintain hygiene required by city i live in and not assured by my social security, i apply the vertical rule of living in this moment. It is my free will very real as real as this moment and moment is divine without any rental cost. I do not have to pay to municipality or income tax to fed or state.

How, if they come chasing me, my this moment is equipped with vertical lift to heaven and be physically absent! I am permanent resident of empty space without any police court jail or monitored by any surveillance. It is not very costly and further it is available to me from my birth and heaped under lot of garbage of knowledge learning experience and practices. This moment is always there pure without which no lateral travel or living is possible. I am the ONLY owner of this moment. It is possible to entirely within this moment without making any optional lateral travel. It is impossible to live outside the limit of this moment. With my ownership guaranteed with no rent to pay with none disturbing me with words or probes, i am worriless leaven.

This moment is the only place of real heaven honestly without rule without any illness or hazards of belonging to any other coordinate of fictional living; with all options open if I wish to avail fictions of Indraprastha - i see and live in whatever and wherever i wish to live and see with fictional people and fictional rules of engagement all made by me.

I must admit that i do not know how to be sane or normal or even act one of them to avoid attention.