Monday, July 16, 2018

discrimination

I do discriminate.

I accept "ब्रह्मा सत्य जगत मिथ्या" and act so.

I differentiate my non-existence as much as I accept my presence. Without me world cannot exist. I exist even without world.

I differentiate me from my sleep my dream and my sensual world.

I differentiate between me any zero one or many.

I differentiate between individual and sense objects as per their dharma.

I also regard all my senses and their revelations are identity nothing absent and me. They cannot be otherwise.

all my action are meant and performed at my chosen time and places.

I am inflexible unlimited absolute and I regard all is nothing or absent. I am incapable of discriminating me otherwise; even when i am in public and shitting or vomiting without any control; even I am burning alive or swept away in flood; even when .....

I own all

On my reflection of my this morning's dream - status report, I again clarify me and my uncompromising stance>>>

I abandon nothing i deny nothing and i give up nothing.

I know the cost - grief insanity hardship pain and suffering without end. 

yet I deny myself nothing. All is mine and all is divine and I am the divinity the creator of them all not out of ignorance but knowingly. I have no destination to reach and I have no goal. I enjoy all my creation in their entire course development birth to disappearance.

I have not quit my work. I am committed.

I quit nothing. My rule has not changed. All including me is allowed to lie cheat thieve rob kill and commit all offences including sexual offences mass killing ..... whatever.

I allow myself to love anyone and pursue anyone for whatever. All my wish and longing and activity is divine. I allow myself doing any harm to anyone or everyone. I deny myself nothing.

I am divinity and all is divine without exception no matter whatever is the consequences.

I am divinity. I am the rule. My rule is divine. I am not divine or ruled. I do all wrong and always wrong. What I do is always right without exception without explanation.

I accept no rule no truth no ruling no commitment no support no need no future ....

I have all. All is mine. I have none. I have nothing.

I am unlimited. I have all the arrows invented and invent new ones.

I avail myself all - escape forget memory help regret excuse silence words medicine cure hospital law .... lying cheating killing violence discrimination avoidance destruction and breaking all laws without exception....I rule out all and everything. I am committed. 

Am seeing the sky now or seeing someone or something? Do i see a cloud - dream?

Sunday, July 15, 2018

Creators role

Bhisma said this in his death bed of arrows, it was inevitable that Pandab were invincible when God was on their side but what saddened him - what was the need for so much massacre pain and suffering for so many due to war, why God allowed this to happen! Besides why there is no end of Pandav' suffering while God was with them always!

Creator had very definite role in my wakeful life and my dream life. It allowed me to pursue build a home and family. It allowed me to eliminate any threat to my home. Till I realized on my own way my approach was wrong and took ma's support. Creator allowed me to stop others to pursue their dream home - they have the same privilege as me given by the Creator. 

This message I received from a dream this morning. Dream is also creator role to compose a report of my state of knowledge just before I get up.

Is there any need for me to write what I just wrote? It is me the pilgrim's progress report for my review. I publish it. It is no mean achievement. I am not ashamed of me.

I once worked in an office briefly and noticed an extraordinary person. In his small cubicle he had over head thousands of threads. Each thread had about 100 paper handwritten memo some long some short. They were ever growing and he never removed any of them, it appeared. He could have very well written a diary as I am doing now. I wish to prevent myself effort of rediscovering wheel - a very important invention lest I forget. Although I know all important is kept automatically in unerasable akashic record.

Creator has guaranteed me my free will (his non-interference) but it did not desert me. He sees me all the time, allows me to do whatever I may like to do. He remembers for me. He pauses me. He forces me to sleep. At the end of the sleep he gives my progress report without any comment. He brings me back to my world - me without change with the same freewill. He aids me with some findings whenever I miss in a hurry.

Creator does all this not ever touching my freedom to pursue my freewill. Knowing fully well what I am pursuing is a falsehood. He, before creating me, created a paradise where all is free all time to come. Even without any need, I was NOT satisfied in my personal paradise of plenty without future. I wished more - a home for my family with secured future. I took ma's help to create personal paradise!

I am no more than a beetle who makes a ball of cow dung and pushes that to its hole - it's concept of bank and personal access to plenty of future.

I was assured of creator's support in whatever I do. If not totally inside my impenetrable self where nothing truly exist, I knew very well that I am protected under His umbrella in every moment of my life.

I was in paradise till I left my home virtually; although I am still in paradise and nothing has changed except my beliefs. I am actually suffering in hell - my future that never was. 

The only way to be in paradise instantly to allow my creation to be in any state of motion to destruction; I let my world be without my touch the same privilege my Creator have given me. My Hands Off! Eyes Off! Ears Off!Minds Off!!!

I pause. My world disappears and I am in paradise with plenty at the same very moment. Paradise is certainly Without Future!

Is there future for any - my family?

There is none. If there is one, I would not ever know. Creator role is to protect me and my creation from all future at this very moment, after creating the moment specially for me. Guaranteed, I have free will to do anything with it.

I am born again and again with my dream to pursue my dream. supply of divine moments never stopped. every moment is his example. there is never any counter example of his existence

Saturday, July 14, 2018

jroy

he is the only teacher who invades my dream

he did not know how to encourage our batch although he was our official class teacher for 4 years

he did not respect many and did not respect individual

when i joined his department despite his reluctance I learnt his overpowering dominance

i did whatever he asked me to do except one - i did not submit the dessertation

i got a job - i am grateful to be one of the four asked by dvn and my hardship ended in his company

reflecting back what he wanted is a record of 100% employment in his department

many of us perhaps wanted to stay back at his department but he did not want that

he literally went after us - three - me iyengar and asis.

only recently i learnt from asis that he was sent to kundu's house for a job recommendation but kundu did not oblige

once i went to his house with raghu to plead him not to send any letter to our home address - isi is our home and we are grown up and our guardians at home are no longer so

he chatted with us for hours - him in college, about hostel mate who took over managing mess, his son's school etc.

what was very clear that he did not like individuals even senior professor - once before us he insulted dbasu where were all these days that you wish to improve isi now

jroy too went to usa but returned back after two or three years perhaps

i dream my way back to isi - jroy is no more - i do not know anyone there

what was there in isi that i longed to be back despite jroy's harassment

chhorda or tk could tell perhaps

isi was a home without a hall of fame

nandan kanan org too was home till it built a hall of fame

within 30 years it is forest home for wild animals - illusion

design?

how much of it is true i do not know. how ancients alone for years cold know i don't know. how i heard and believed them i do not know. but it is said every life time as human is a reward to fulfilled task - the dharma that one is born with?

is the their birth? i do not know.

it might as well continuity from beginning of time - before time

i am not calling for attention

i have convinced myself that i am prisoner of self and in my space is clean and empty - there is not a speck of green

my writing is for nobody's reading there is nobody

i have a remote to open door when i come driving to my house. when i was irs contractor i was housed opposite irs building. irs building had a fence that would come up automatic from the ground or go down - it light sensitive network control like my garage door

in the morning i was sitting outside in my porch taking in my surrounding without moving a bit seeping my tea in the easy chair

a bush of sunflower has grown about 100 feet away from where i am sitting - they too have light sensitive water sensitive heat sensitive season sensitive built in equipments and they had it before vertebrates came into being

ancients and now i think we too evolved from those green and grew apparatus in our bodies with marked or named appliances that can be replaced if we are not satisfied about

i have eliminated about 4 very large trees surrounding my place - i was threatened by them

do the tree know when i am killing it - sawing it down - does the tree sends out distress signal

the biggest tree when i was sawing it down a neighbor stopped by saying it is the oldest - i did not listen i needed it down - it was creating lot of sparks and disconnection to electrical poles and it did not have the adequate means to clear the fallen branches that filled the surrounding

in my world all is connected and can occasionally become threatening to me- me?

yes i forget i am forever within myself that has no hole even a pin hole

i am forever in delusions - me and my world

i cannot protect me from my world - they are indivisible inseparable by design

it is afterthought infeasible to implement

is it so?

I am self. i surely create me and my world forever new with life time of one moment.if i wish i make another moment to please me and play with. i do not need life time. do i? i pause every moment and sleep and disappear. i need no fence any more.

sleep is my fence

i am myself

i get from sleep
there is none and nothing
then slowly i start seeing
from my store i fetch my definitions
they are all ill defined
but start seeing things with my definitions
in a playful way i distribute cards
i start acting give and take making sounds
my script for the drama
this is my game till i am bored and exhausted
recess I pause
  

Friday, July 13, 2018

distance measure

Euclidean distance is the straight line joining them and its length of two points in any dimensional coordinate space.

I observe I get up from sleep from some physical inconvenience or discomfort  for some duration. noway to measure how long but it is usually less than say five or ten minutes. As the urgency rises i possible get a timer message the urgent call is happening of many hours in a very short interval of say less than a minute.

After all these passes i am relaxed with nothing urgent to think or do. I write blog. starting with the complex that i have seen just a few hours before. it takes at most 2000 words to reach me the creator of dream sleep and reality of illusion.

the distance of my dream to me is at most 2000 english words. how important is my writing to me. it is invaluable exercise and experience. there is not even any beside me to benefit from this I cannot stop. I am incapable of stopping. If I die in my next birth i shall be doing the same. till all falsehood is burnt to ash and suctioned away by me the creator.

Can I make the distance from 2000 to zero without losing time i.e at this moment? if not i can do nothing but wait - all is same me and i am a puppet suffering perpetual disillusion about me!

as soon as i dream i know - it is me without using any word and logic of discrimination or reviewing its origin in me

i open my eyes i try to listen i don't like what i see what i hear
i sense my body i taste my mouth it painful and distasteful
my body is sick my sense my world i don't like it
i don't like me

this had happened to me in sometime in mid 1977 being zilted
i traveled long distances to find medicine for my disease and i knew it is within my reach
it took me years to put me in order
i am bad and my world is hopelessly bad
i transformed my world from black fearsome to bad to good to nothing
i transformed me from sick insane expecting nemesis bad to good to nothing

i transformed my world from dangerous to divine home
i transformed me to divinity the creator of my world
i changed my coordinate to self my body requiring attention to celestial bliss
i pause world disappear i disappear

i will and live in perpetual paradise living a moment at a time

what is the distance from insanity dried burnt me to divinity
what is the distance between my home in fire to divine paradise uniquely my home where all is free

it took 41 years

but now it takes about an hour at most to return to divine home no matter where i strayed away willingly
i am automatically paused and brought within my self 
what can i expect when i am in bliss permanente 

Fountain of paradise

This is the title of one arthur clark story. Where escape velocity is used to climb a vertical elavator to heaven suspended from a geocentric satellite using rotational speed of earth and it's planetary rotational speed around sun. Imagine another such vertical elevator from moon centric satellite to moon surface. Each lift has zero friction climb and descend vehicle vehicle shaft. Energy used is near zero. Shaft just hangs from heaven just like the satellites are. Planetary travel from satellite to orbiting moons satellite is nearly zero energy cost. Thus a near zero energy travel channel is feasible from earth surface moon surface.

My moments to moments travel is not vertical but lateral. Free of course ride guaranteed at my birth. This channel exists and in operation now, a resting time, to next moment and inductively till me death and many moments before my death where eating shoting pissing are performed with very costly service provider till my body is returned to dust. I have to find out how to donate my body to livings on earth.

Living aside this lateral travel partly costly if I have maintain hygiene required by city i live in and not assured by my social security, i apply the vertical rule of living in this moment. It is my free will very real as real as this moment and moment is divine without any rental cost. I do not have to pay to municipality or income tax to fed or state.

How, if they come chasing me, my this moment is equipped with vertical lift to heaven and be physically absent! I am permanent resident of empty space without any police court jail or monitored by any surveillance. It is not very costly and further it is available to me from my birth and heaped under lot of garbage of knowledge learning experience and practices. This moment is always there pure without which no lateral travel or living is possible. I am the ONLY owner of this moment. It is possible to entirely within this moment without making any optional lateral travel. It is impossible to live outside the limit of this moment. With my ownership guaranteed with no rent to pay with none disturbing me with words or probes, i am worriless leaven.

This moment is the only place of real heaven honestly without rule without any illness or hazards of belonging to any other coordinate of fictional living; with all options open if I wish to avail fictions of Indraprastha - i see and live in whatever and wherever i wish to live and see with fictional people and fictional rules of engagement all made by me.

I must admit that i do not know how to be sane or normal or even act one of them to avoid attention.

Thursday, July 12, 2018

there are unforgettable incidents

i don't know how differently they are stored but they are unforgettable even though it is secret and never repeated

once i was at Bhattacharya's place where some young juniors used to live.
why i went there on an early morning  i do not rember
there was very healthy young man wearing orange unstitched cloth as in the vicinity looking for alms
they called him in
bhattacharya without provocation started abusing him for no reason
i was silently watching this young man looking for alms
he was very prepared to listen to this abuse in silence
no ill feelings crossed his face he remained seated asked for water
after drinking a glass of water he said with satisfaction that he has just drank nectar filled glass of heavenly bliss

unforgettable is Cecilia's last day at my place her punishment is unbearable for me 

renunciate

when will i be able to renunciate my words my world
when will i end

if not now
when?

except this moment i can believe no more
renunciation is no more possible in my life
unless given i cannot get

divine what i don't see
divine what i see

i have got the order that i must write - i am dummy - a puppet - no more and no less

for the sake of my honor

i can not compromise my freedom no matter what - even in dungeon - half buried pelted by all .....

this moment is divine and free and i do not pay even a token price not even a free homeo pellet to swallow in order to live this moment
i do nothing...

i am divinity
i own every thought word action of mine
even if falsely implied by any of my world
i am the doer
it is /was/shall be my expression of my free will

in my world freedom of expression in any manner is authorized and guaranteed to all from microbe to me to individual to mob to nation to all

i remain committed in every moment and upfold the freedom of expression to all 
i am committed in this very moment
whoever says whatever is my words 
i have to perceive without any thought word or action
i am committed

yet i have wish
i wait till my wish is fulfilled
i am already rewarded with my world
if i have bias that some desirable to happen in my world to me in person
i wait till that happens
and that may not in this life
i wait that boon to happen in future life

i love and respect me as i am/was despite all 
and even when i am not in my world

i remember a boy

it was a meeting arranged in la meridien hotel in new delhi with a group of Interra people. headed by by laha souvnik one iit professor colonel and three software engineers and the desktop i used when i was at interra. this boy stood up, i had not seen him before, in loud voice, he asked me to show the process of converting a converting a gml document to pdf or converted FrameMaker document. I left interra in February end. This is happening in november end.

my words started to flow and this boy went to sleep. I never saw him again.

conference went on till next day noon. next day this boy was missing. i said i won't touch the computer but yet i touched and showed ebook from sgml document. i saw the excitement of iit professor whom i lectured about my software process about one year back.

I was again bothered another day by two boys whom i have seen in another morning. that was my last meeting with interra and the matter was closed

Wednesday, July 11, 2018

Divine

I use this word so often and increasingly always. What do I mean?

This moment is divine and cannot be otherwise. It is kind of gift from divinity. Divinity is going to follow up with more divine moments. Like a bee I search out for beauty and nectar and receive the same without moving a muscle and without using my intellect or memory.

What I get is unexpected unexplainable nothing of past or remotely related with memory. This moment defies understanding.

I cannot refuse but enjoy.

It is about twelve years that i am publicly blogging. I never really bothered who reads me and i am writing is worth writing or does it help anyone who comes across my writing.

it helps me to enjoy this moment and forget past moments of passions. I come across me further I know there is none other than me in my world.

I am divinity and my world is divine. i and any is identity without words without further thought. there simply other is no other than me.

if i am gaining in this moment, it is divine. If i am losing in this moment it is divine. i created this moment, i have to bear this moment until i make another moment.

this moment is only truth and it is me.

what is truth? truth is presence same as my world that includes my sleep, my dream, my thinking. absent is divinity. how can something be present when there is otherwise no visibility except what i said. there is no temple where divinity is present contrary to all my belief.

How can i be divinity when none in my world in including me recognise me as divinity further abuses me as fraud.

how do i believe me as divinity and my world is divine when all including me is my enemy?

How do i bear the burden of my world disapproval of divine rating as divinity that i do no longer wish to be? how do i do what i love to do when world do not wish no longer be in my proximity?

how do i bear my dishonor in my every living moment from every living and dead?

yet i have to bear every living moment ~ i cannot pretend i am not divinity even if i am burned or beaten or bleeded and imprisoned till i have senses ~ in silence

i am a village idiot stoned at sight yet i seek honor for at least one moment

Monday, July 9, 2018

osho

I came to know of osho, then rajnish, from skjha around 1982. in our room we used to discuss books on philosophy psychology etc. panderaj, jairaj and me were occupants often skjha used to contribute. In 1985 basu was going to bangalore i spent with my family in iip hostel one week. basu gave me about 20 books of rajnish in hindi and english. amuda had a short notice suffering from leukemia started visiting many god men. but osho is dead then. he visited rajnish ashram in pune bought few books. one of them was ostobakras gita. i read that.

his writings were funny and good reading. many were biographies of holymen from india. I cam to appreciate an intellectual character Naseeruddin. Recently i saw Rajneeshpuram misadventure in 12 hours serial wild wild country. The commune he wished to create but unsuccessful. His books are national treasure kept at Indian Parliament.

Although I had read lot of Ramakrishna in 1970s or earlier but it was not committed to my memory. Till then I used to read whatever ma used to read and she loved to read about sadhus and saints. I read exhaustively paul branton and jiddu krishnamurthy. i also read lot of ramayana and mahabharata.

I just finished reading Christopher Isherwood. I have downloaded Kathamrita by M. I have order the english version Gospel. Although I am not gaining nothing. I am already absolute. But i am getting something out of this reading.

Mine has been a long journey. in the process i have destroyed all green and live. all is divine but no divinity.

divinity is outside the barrier. where is chitragupter khata? if i could torch it all record is destroyed. not only me but also trump is liberated. that too is outside the fence. what about me?

outside. impossible to be inside the fence. inside all is my belief and i do not know. it is impossible to take outside the fence.

Where do I record my Dharma? it has to be inside the fence? Is (re)birth like getting up from sleep? I do not know.

without exception

ghosts bad real dream or sleep - all without exception is me two faces of the same coin

unbelievable but i have to believe

i am limited by a unbreachable barrier of truth

i do not know the space beyond the barrier

i know inside the barrier all is me one hundred percent and they cannot have existence otherwise; i have their blueprint as akashic record - i create and recreate them again and again

i know my logic observations learning conclusions are defective; they are based on assumption and cannot be improved upon and finite

i know i am a total idiot and my status would never change any time

all is divine without choice

i am the divinity without choice

i am not my ideal - i can never be original no matter how hard i work

i cannot help that i am absolute and i cannot change

when would i be able to love my world and me - never

what more can i do about me or my world - nothing

in the dream i saw ma chhorda someshda a landscape totally changed; i try to use my knowledge.... it is impossible; i have to accept my pointless existence that i can do nothing

i must be silent

Sunday, July 8, 2018

a dream

the god has seen my dream job

i have my dream job surrounded by people and employed by wealthy employer wishing me success with technology developed by giants science developed by genii

my employer comes to meet me and i give him a lecture of my originality and my wish to develop technology not developed yet based on what is done

i am not going to redo what is done but build upon it

my employer excuse himself and starts typing and do something afterwards he gives me a glittering portfolio of presents and invitation to his marriage

god is getting married to goddess of wealth - i am invited 

now that

I IDENTIFY MYSELF AS DONALD TRUMP TWITTER FOR TWITTER WORD FOR WORD ACTION FOR ACTION

what next?

i shall be going about doing what i think must do gratify eating drinking and making money for myself and making fame for myself non stop. it is god yours and mine only made me president of usa to do what i can in my power. i shall fulfill every possibility god has given me to safeguard me and my family's interest. i am businessman - my only motive is to enrich myself. i have to accomplish the same.

I stop for a while and be me that i am for life time

all of us doing the same and fulfilling our promises and providence without discrimination without care for ethics and morality.

the world has plenty can and has it can accomodate and feed their appetite as per their taste and belly size. that may be unicellular amoeba biggest animal elephant or infinite appetite trump
god fulfills every body's dream

i stop for a while and be creator and look at me

i do not have to dream plenty and fulfill my dream. i do not need people to lecture. i do not mind present any assumption on past people present or future
yet i do assume
i am my assumption
i let me be
i let all be

does all not dream their karmaphal to make it happen as per the dream

i remember ~ dui bigha jamin
the mango that fell on his lap - real
his needless assumption that the tree recognized him - real

world has no memory no meaning no word no recording no root no people no content - world is hoax
all of us are independent threads of dharma manifested with our karma reaping our wish satisfying our appetite in indefinite cycle till we discover ourselves as the creator of our world 

Saturday, July 7, 2018

what i see through equipment

what do i see through telescope or microscope?

the world I like to see. The situation do not change when I see with my naked cataract eyes.

the situation do not change when listening. i hear what i like to hear. the same when i taste or smell.

when i meet a person i meet the person i wish to meet. it is always my wish fulfillment exercise. behind my senses the fresh new world remains unknown.

i read so many book unthinkable amount. someone was feeding me with libraries after libraries and variety of books.

what i read is me. my blindness increased. my dreams are for ever complicated with my readings.

i am so gullible. places change people change time change but my world does not change.

my writing too does not change.

this familiarity shall never change.

i am ashamed of me. i am afraid of me.

honestly i can look any at his or her or its eyes - i will be found out.

a closed isolated old idiot who learnt nothing in 68 years.

maha akashic memory

I must record it somehow in the maha-akashic record of chitragupta.

theory and practice: all is me and identity. none and nothing is exception. I must look at all eyes and unite.

links to jbs aticles

https://www.ias.ac.in/article/fulltext/jgen/096/05/0837-0844
https://www.jstor.org/stable/769532?seq=1&refreqid=excelsior%3Aec4cefbc50a493e25bad80d787b3a022#page_scan_tab_contents
as yet i could not locate bbc self obituary by jbs

joya

I got married to her on May 9, 1983. I am grateful.

She married without meeting me. I did not meet any of their family before the marriage One of her aunt's husband met me on a sunday afternoon briefly, I was napping in Chandra's place.

My marriage was attended by ritadi joseph and my relation. chhorda made all arrangement for the feast called baubhat and was attended by all the teachers and friends in ISI.

Joya did not like me at all. She regrets to this day for marrying me. She has not left me. I can only tell about present - i do not know future.

i do not do regular job, even when i do, i am at home. she provide home childcare when in usa against my wishes. i am not significant anymore. children in her care those who come to her at very young age they become my friends. i spend lot of time playing with them.

she is deeply attached to her family. she spend most hours of day and night with her family using many modern telecommunication devices. she is interested in craft and art. she spends some of her time in doing that. i often assist her in her work. she watches bengali film serials over internet all the time.

My daughter was born in February 1984. My son was born in June 1988. They have no inclination to be in india especially in kolkata ever. while she cannot live even moments away from family. she has got a flat in kolkata from 2005 or earlier but not lived there. we are short of space with her business at home; sometimes extending to very late hours or even overnight. I do not wish to be in touch with her family. they have been lot of disturbance to me. i sincerely hope it ends just now.

Joya does not like my relations or my friends ever since my marriage. i do not like her family. i do not like her business at home. she is tired and sick but she would not ever refuse an opportunity to earn a single penny. this money is her future. she wishes to retire in kolkata. i wonder when. she by now accumulated lot of money since all the expenses taxes for her business is borne by me. she also gets $500 from social security. she has a flat in kolkata.  it is time for her to retire and relax. more money cannot buy her more security or more comfort. she is unable to take the stress of earning money anymore.

she is physically exhausted and abusive all the time; she is unable to take the strain. she has lot of physical pain. i love her as she is. i am grateful to her. she had come here in February from kolkata. she is going to kolkata for her niece marriage next week. i wish she does not return soon. she needs the vacation.

did i know when i decided to marry that i would be marrying someone unknown who would remain unknown for all time 

Friday, July 6, 2018

I was searching the internet

for a person for a while was with Ramkrishna. Ramakrishna kept his circle of disciples away from him. If he found someone talking to him, Ramakrishna would ask him to stay away from this person.  Soon he left Dakshineswar known as Avadhoot.  For hours late night I searched. Where could I have read him. I read Masterda, Romain Rola, Christopher Isherwood, Aubrey Menon and many more Bengali writers. I could not remember. I found Christopher from my bookshelf started reading it. 

No I did not find about him. 

The discovery of my ignarance

That I do not know if another person ever existed is a remarkable discovery. It surely changes my ability to know.

Machine can learn as much as I can learn. Can machine have akashic record that does not get destroyed with its current existence for its next incarnation to continue with slavery and knowing how it is seving world - it is assuming?

Man makes machine in its own image as long as planet earth is in existence.

There is difference. A very significant one. creator, me, created my world akashic record alone uniquely mine complete from nothing. design is not shared, if shared i would not know. Like I would not if there is anyone in the universes other than me. in order complete the hoax, i also have a terrestrial duplicate with birth death and life of learning science technology art literature astronomy history ... of illusion.

i see disease when there is none. I see enemy where there is none. I see dishonesty when there is none. the list is endless- infinite. I see numbers when there is none!

I am conscious of me and my creation. I have visual ability to see what i assume and i know it beyond any doubt. when i break down, when my world breaks down, i recreate the same, moments and moments.

What is the akash that has this blueprint. what is me?

I am truly outside the world I know. I keep my blueprint of the world outside the world I know. I kill me in the inside conforming to the rules of annihilation. Every cell destroyed every molecule destroyed every atom destroyed. All images of my world. My world demolished to nothing - no matter no people no star no sky.

yet i am capable of creating the same world or the world i do not know without any blueprint - a fresh new one whose design yet to be made. I am alone.

It is impossible to cross validate me. There is no more observation and there shall be none in future to replace any of the observations i have in store to replace all my assumptions so far. I can neither validate or invalidate.

I tried that once for 4 or five days given a piece of news. I could predict nothing.

The question is all those mahatmas of my world seen heard or read by me knew the truth as I know. Since none really exists since everyone and everything is my assumption.

I am absolutely sure of this. There is no gospel truth.

I am constantly in the light of me and no other. Except this there is no other truth. no moment is duplicate. the story is mine and mine only. One sided without any reciprocation. I love each and every moment. I memorize every moment. I create a story. I fall in love. There is none nothing other than me.

I am deluding me. I no longer like to guess meaning of what i see or hear or perceive.

Alice

When she was falling through rabbit hole, she found that she was falling for long time. Assuming that her clock is same, she concluded that either the depth is too long or she is falling slowly - less gravity.

If one is innocent that one is. One does not wish to show or apply intelligence and starts interpreting now and predicting future. I am concerned about the innocent future? Will he or not encounter fatal without being found about ever. will he remain immortal.

Innocent is Dhruva. He has no friend or enemy distinction. No me or like me or near me. no distinction between dark and light. He at last reaches its destination - no thing to find.

What am I searching? I am he - the creator. There is no difference. This observation goes into akashic record that there is nothing to record after all.

Lesson learnt I am sufficient and necessary. Lesson learnt there is not any not me.

Dhruva is stable star the direction to follow for all seeker of immortality and knowledge and means for one's immortality. The means are not thinking or writing but preserve one innocent and find or seek no meaning in any moment.

what does a shine seen on crest of a wave mean? pain pleasure future past reward punishment loss gain knowledge or me forever and ever?

Thursday, July 5, 2018

Lab

I just made some copy and paste of items on JBS whom I never met. Only hearsay. I wondered why i wrote them. in my world he is not connected at all. my world revolves around god at the center and systematically shoot down any villain flying to destroy my belief by logic - mechanical that does not have any basis being true. as a result I only have sharp eye to doubt every happenings in the world but faith in goodness and unselfishness is missing in me.

Iyengar asked me once that can I not forgive. I did not answer him. I do forgive everyone but i cannot forget. It is not in my capacity. I believe in akashic record and its manifestation as my world I live in. I do not eliminate cobra or nipah or ebola or python or shark but cannot make me believe in their harmless nature.

On the other hand i consider me in body and mind and intellect is a laboratory and invite all my existential threat to try and eliminate me. I do not promise cooperation but i do promise i shall do nothing to eliminate any threat. If one is fatal to me I must see that in person killing me.

JBS was bit of philanthropic and supported experiments using himself as guinea pig for cause of advancement of science and medicine. For me it is my curiosity only since I know for sure that in one on one duel must eliminate both from the world.

https://www.thehindu.com/sci-tech/50-years-since-haldanes-death/article6658874.ece
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b008drvm
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2870975/

My conviction is my world is recursive definition of my Self. Recursive definition start with one and only Truth. Self is Truth. In other words, Self is innocent and always so; all through of my life.

While I world I live in, is hypothetical. My hypotheses are supported recursively and based on my innocence and my gullibility to accept my observation and explanation provided by accepted believe of my time. Interestingly my world is linked with my language I was learning to make interpretations of my observations. The language spoken in my world. Bengali in my case. And words spoken by Bengalis around me and what they meant. Observation is Key paired with its Value or meaning. Knowledge is pair. A memory. But may not be so. Self remaining innocent, kept the Observation as Observation itself far important than Key Value Pair required for me to belong to my world!

Self and (me, my World) are separable and separate. While me and my world is in separable intellectually. However it remains possible to see innocent eyes - observe and not differentiate or discriminate. Two different images viewed by my left eye and right eye - they unite in my mind as a single image.

Intellectually now it is possible to keep my innocent observation from contamination from my knowledge or conclusion about its cause or probable aftermath. Furthermore I am able to notice me (or  my presence) and my enemy (or my absence) as the same image; not different.

My intellectual ability has not disappeared but aligned to my innocence. No wonder children are attracted to me or me to them.

my world defies classification normal or abnormal and selective breeding and encouraged pairing. it is diversity that is going despite all attempts to rid the world of diversity

parshuram and his belief is immortal and there is no superiority however; there is no inferiority

there is no reason why world is infested with human who are born defective in pursuit of honor and they would not stop

world can accommodate and  does accommodate all past present and all possible future with and without our destructive nature; it shall survive global warming and all war and war arsenals

Cancer’s a Funny Thing

Cancer’s a Funny Thing

I wish I had the voice of Homer
To sing of rectal carcinoma,
Which kills a lot more chaps, in fact,
Than were bumped off when Troy was sacked.

Yet, thanks to modern surgeon’s skills,
It can be killed before it kills
Upon a scientific basis
In nineteen out of twenty cases.

I noticed I was passing blood
(Only a few drops, not a flood).
So pausing on my homeward way
From Tallahassee to Bombay
I asked a doctor, now my friend,
To peer into my hinder end,
To prove or to disprove the rumour
That I had a malignant tumour.
They pumped in BaS04.
Till I could really stand no more,
And, when sufficient had been pressed in,
They photographed my large intestine,
In order to decide the issue
They next scraped out some bits of tissue.
(Before they did so, some good pal
Had knocked me out with pentothal,
Whose action is extremely quick,
And does not leave me feeling sick.)
The microscope returned the answer
That I had certainly got cancer,
So I was wheeled into the theatre
Where holes were made to make me better.
One set is in my perineum
Where I can feel, but can’t yet see ‘em.
Another made me like a kipper
Or female prey of Jack the Ripper,
Through this incision, I don’t doubt,
The neoplasm was taken out,
Along with colon, and lymph nodes
Where cancer cells might find abodes.
A third much smaller hole is meant
To function as a ventral vent:
So now I am like two-faced Janus
The only* god who sees his anus.

*In India there are several more
With extra faces, up to four,
But both in Brahma and in Shiva
I own myself an unbeliever.

I’ll swear, without the risk of perjury,
It was a snappy bit of surgery.
My rectum is a serious loss to me,
But I’ve a very neat colostomy,
And hope, as soon as I am able,
To make it keep a fixed time-table.
So do not wait for aches and pains
To have a surgeon mend your drains;
If he says “cancer” you’re a dunce
Unless you have it out at once,
For if you wait it’s sure to swell,
And may have progeny as well.
My final word, before I’m done,
Is “Cancer can be rather fun”.
Thanks to the nurses and Nye Bevan
The NHS is quite like heaven
Provided one confronts the tumour
With a sufficient sense of humour.
I know that cancer often kills,
But so do cars and sleeping pills;
And it can hurt one till one sweats,
So can bad teeth and unpaid debts.
A spot of laughter, I am sure,
Often accelerates one’s cure;
So let us patients do our bit
To help the surgeons make us fit.

J. B. S. Haldane (1964)

j b s haldane


Prof. J.B.S. Haldane, 72, Dies; British Geneticist and Writer; Developed Simple Treatment for Tetanus—Marxist Quit His Homeland for India
DEC. 2, 1964


BHUBANESWAR India Dec. 1 —Prof. J. B. S. Haldane the worldfamous British geneticist died of cancer today at his home here. He was 72 years old.
Facially Professor Haldane resembled Rudyard Kipling; epigrammatically he took after George Bernard Shaw; politically he followed Karl Marx; but in science he was indubitably John Burdon Sanderson Haldane.
Biologist biochemist geneticist and sage of science in general Professor Haldane was a daring experimenter with himself as his own chief rabbit “It is difficult ” he once said by way of explanation “to he sure how a rabbit feels at any time. Indeed many rabbits make no serious attempt to cooperate with scientists.”
He was moreover ” an indefatigable writer about science for the layman.
He made lasting contributions in human physiology bydeveloping a simple treatment for tetanus (lockjaw) by laying the groundwork- for highpressure oxygen therapy and surgery and by pioneering the principles of the heartlung machine now widely used in heart and brain surgery.
In genetics he was the first to discover linkage in mammals to map the human chromosome and to measure the mutation rate of a human gene. He also contributed to studies in human physical endurance and defenses against mustard gas and lie demonstrated the importance in terms of survival of deep bomb shelters in wartime.
Equally notable were his indirect contributions as a stimulant and teacher for more than 40 years in Britain and in India. His students and his colleagues regarded his imind as luminous and lucid and his ideas as suggestive and succinct. Honored and decorated he became a philosopher of the life sciences shaping new pathways for biology and genetics and pointing to new directions for research in evolution.
In this respect Professor Haldane counted human inequality as a blessing. “I believe that any satisfactory political and economic: system must be based on the recognition of human inequality ” he said in one of his last public lectures. He explained that “as our understanding of genetics increases we shall I believe see that that society is freest in which opportunity for acting according to one's genotype hereditary makeup] is maximized.”
This appeal for the recognition of innate diversity could well have stemmed from Professor Haldane's own life. He was born and reared in a British society that refused to be confined by The Establishment. Individualism even eccentricity was its hallmark.
Of Scottish ancestry Professor Haldane was born at Oxford on Nov. 5 1892 the son of Dr. John Scott Haldane a physiologist and mining expert who developed the decompression method used to avoid “the bends” in divers.
His sister was Naomi Mitchison a novelist; his uncle was Viscount Haldane once Lord Chancellor under a Labor Government. Professor Haldane attended Eton and New College Oxford taking his degree in the classics.
He learned science by apprenticeship. He assisted his father from the age of 8 onward until he began formal research in 1910. His career was interrupted by World War I in which he fought as a member of the Black Watch. He was wounded and gassed twice and was mustered out as a captain in 1919.
It was after this experience during the war that he became an expert on mustard chlorine and other gases.
After the war he became a Fellow of New College and from 1922 to 1932 he was a Reader in Biochemistry at Cambridge.
There he was the center of a cause celebre. He was dismissed for “gross immorality” in 1925 after being named corespondent in an undefended divorce suit involving Charlotte Franken a writer. Supported by G. K. Chesterton Bertrand Russell W. L. George and other notables Professor Haldane won a reversal of his ouster and established the precedent that the private life of a Cambridge professor was to be considered as having nothing to do with his work at the institution. Miss Franken and the professor were .married shortly after his vindication.
After a year as visiting professor at the University of California in 1932 a year in which he was elected a Fellow of the Royal Society he returned to Britain as a professor first of physiology then of biometry at London University where he remained until 1957 when he left Britain for India in a huff over the presence of American troops on British soil.
Departing London for Calcutta near where he later set up a laboratory and home Professor Haldane said: “I want to live in a free country where there are no foreign troops based all over the place; yes I do mean Americans.”
He became an Indian citizen wore Indian garb fasted on occasion in the Gandhi manner and lived quietly with his second wife the former Helen Spurway a science colleague he married in 1945 after Miss; Franken divorced him There were no children by either marriage
As a scientist Professor Haldane believed in finding out things for himself. To study fatigue he once shut himself for . long periods in a tight chamber the air charged with carbon dioxide. Early in his career he poisoned himself by swallowing bicarbonate of soda and hydrochloric acid and found that ammonium chloride could cure convulsions in children. At one restless point in his life in 1927 he underwent a bloodtransfusion test in which blood was transferred from one part of his body to another.
In trying to find a cure for diabetes he allowed himself to be put into a diabetic condition and then operated on without anesthetic so other doctors could carry out tests on him.
In addition to winning wide acclaim for his popular science books he was also considered the chief modern writer on evolution.
Professor Haldane was a burly tweedy shaggy man with a remarkably large head. Describing himself in 1940 he wrote “I measure 6 feet 1 inch weigh 245 pounds; - and enjoy swimming arid mountain walking. I aim bald and blueeyed with a clipped mustache; a moderate drinker and a heavy smoker. I can read 11 languagesand make public speeches in three; but am unmusical. I am a fairly competent public speaker.”
He might have added that he also liked to tweak Ameri” cans. “The trouble with your school system ” he once remarked to an interviewer in New York “is based on its failure to recognize that children differ from one another. Every child receives the same training—an obvious error. In itself it is an indication of your genetical ignorance.”
Professor Haldane's serious shafts were usually directed to upholding the concept of a pluralistic genetic society in which science would be man's servant. “It is easier to alter the social organization than to alter human beings’ he said.
In a Shavian aphoristic manner he observed that “the genetic heaven must be a place in which there is room for all sorts of people each best at something or other.”
“There is not any perfect man except in relation to tasks and environment ” he insisted contending that “a feebleminded strong man would give a better account ofhimself in the Darwinian natural struggle for existence than a physically weak intellectual.
Arguing the virtues of diversity with a homely example he once remarked:
“You cannot havea successful .marriage unless the wife is better than the husband at some things. For example I cannot cook or play the piano like my wife but on the other hand she is not as good a mathematician as I am. Mutual respect is what you want all through society.”
From this he concluded that “the society that enjoys the greatest amount of liberty is the one that permits and respects the greatest amount of polymorphism ” or variety in human forms.
Outlining his genetic and social credo said:
“I do not believe in uniformity. I think the more individuals in the world the better. If there is one lesson man can learn from the animals it is just this: You have all sorts of dogs—shepherd dogs wolfhounds Newfoundland dogs dachshunde terriers and St.! Bernards.
“Would anyone think of producing only one species of dog and call it the perfect dog eliminating all the others? What makes human life amusing is getting all these varieties of dogs into one family. And the hope for humanity is that that sort of a thing should go on not only among dogs but among human beings as well.
“If we have any lesson -to learn from animal and plant genetics it is that there is not any one best type in the species. On the contrary we have various environments and various species to fit into them.”
Professor Haldane wanted man to control science for his own benefit. “While man does not yet know how to control his own evolution ” he once asserted “it behooves us to begin thinking about what we should do’ when the time does come as it probably will when this knowledge becomes available to us.
“If we had discussed in advance what we should do with nuclear energy long before we knew how to use it we might have agreed in advance not to use it in atomic bombs and would have gone a long way toward solving the problem we face today.”
Early in his career Professor Haldane developed scorn for Nazi racial tenets. “The doctrine of the equality of man although clearly untrue as generally’ stated has this much truth—that on a knowledge of their ancestry we cannot yet say one man will and another man will not be capable of reaching a given cultural standard.”
This conviction plus the climate of opinion in liberal circles in Britain in the 1930's plus his own reading in Marx Lenin and especially Engels drew the scientist toward sympathy with the British Communist party.
In the middle thirties he announced that he was a Marxist a description he applied to himself in 1964. He joined the British party in 1942 served oh the editorial board of The London Daily Worker until 1949 and wrote numerous articles for that payer and The Daily Worker in. New York mostly on scientific subjects. He cooled toward official Communism as time went on and declined to accept the biological notion of Prof. Trofim D. Lysenko the Soviet biologist that characteristics produced by environment can become hereditary. He left the party toward the end of. the 1940's.
‘Cured’ by Lenin
As a Communist writer Professor Haldane could make outrageous remarks with an apparent straight face as when he wrote that Lenin had cured him of gastritis.
“I had it for about 15 years ” he said “until I read Lenin and other writers who showed me what was wrong with our society and how to cure it. Since then I have needed no magnesia.”
Although he insisted that Marxism contained a working hypothesis for scientific research and application—a view he expounded at some length in “The Marxist Philosophy and the Sciences” in 1938—he was by no means a dogmatist nor did he quote patristic utterances.
Professor Haldane had a certain amount of wry humor about himself “I cannot deny the possibility but at no time in my life has my personal survival seemed to me a probable contingency ” he once said. And toward the close of his life after he had been operated on for a particularly painful cancer he wrote a doggerel in which he said “My final word before I’m done /Is ‘Cancer can be rather fun.’’“ Then he added “I know that cancer -often kiils /But so do cars and sleeping pills.” He titled his verse ‘‘Cancer's a Funny Thing!” v
Professor Haldane held many academic honors; In addition to being a Fellow of the Royal Society he was a corresponding member of the Societe” de Biologie -the Deutsche Akademie der Wissenschaften the National Institutes of Sciences of India the Royal Danish Academy of Sciences; and an honorary member of the Moscow Academy of Sciences.
He held honorary degrees from Oxford the Universities of Paris Edinburgh and Groningen. He wore the Darwin Medal of the Royal Society the DarwinWallace Commemorative Medal of- the Linnean Society and the Kimber Medal of the United States National Academy of Sciences. He was also made - a chevalier of the Legion of Honor in 1937. for his scientific services to France.
At his death he was head of the Genetics and Biometry Laboratory of the Government of Orissa India.
In addition to numerous papers in scientific journals Professor Haldane's principal books were: “Daedalus” (1924); “Callinicus” (1925); “Possible Worlds” (1927); “Animal Biology” (with J. S. Huxley 1927); “Science and Ethics” (1928); “Enzymes” (1930); “The Inequality of Man” (1932); “The Causes of Evolution” (1933); “Fact and Faith” (1934); “Heredity and Politics (1938); “Science and Everyday Life” (1939); “New Paths on Genetics” (1941); “Science Advances” (1947) and “The Biochemistry of Genetics (1953).

Seeing my problem a step towards solution

I am not OK. I used to OK once upon a time. The last time perhaps at my birth. Long Long ago as a single cell Zygote. Or was it a defective cell itself. If so, when was I right and I can restore myself to that. Time travel is possible using no theory of present or future universes but deleting all terrestrial records or human knowledge that I inherited. Perhaps due to my defective zygote.

I shall approach my problem of defect and look for solution if any. Of course I am assuming terrestrial knowledge.

I am defective at my birth at my single cell ~ I see no option but live through my life as defective. Correction is not possible.  In other words there is no remedy of my defect and become normal and healthy. 

The other case, as a single zygote, I did not have any defect to start with. It should have seen me through my life till I slow uniform death of all my body cells. But that did not happen due to environment. I could not cope up with environment that was abnormal. What is the remedy? Eliminate environment causing abnormalities if possible. Isolation. Observation till cured.

When I am cured?

when there is nothing to observe. All is me. I and my world is identity. There is no boundary wall no separation.

seeing the limit

when is activity?

When there is one other than me then there is activity. my game starts and my play starts.

How can i be active when there is none but me in my world?

every stories i write starts with another and my words for that another. my dharma and anothers are presupposed different. I write the difference.

Then i stop. my other - my reader is no more interested to know the difference, he only showed me the presumption that he or she is different from what i know.

he or she or it is no different than me - they are as much as i am my presumption.

as i write, someone is looking over my shoulder judging the correctness of what i am saying

if i hit bulls eye i cannot go further - that someone is my identity - he is present and i am absent

Wednesday, July 4, 2018

what is the Solution

Last 12 years I am publicly writing about serial nature of life or even life after life. Hindus started calling it by name Karma and its aftermath Karmaphal. Again karma entirely due dharma or bias one is born with in making assumption about environment.

Even though the planet earth infinite supply to breed and support infinite population for infinite time. We create rule and society around those rules. Why?

The belief is without society cannot survive. So rules for survival is needed. We have so many isms of infinite variety - capitalism communism hinduism buddhism zionism christianity islam jainism ... sikhism  each claiming superiority over the other

independent thinkers in India concluded there is life after death. others tacitly accepted that or otherwise.

I do not know nor can I claim to know. I have over and over went over my life story and knew that I had my bias. My Dhruva story absolute was fixed on my mind from the time learned to follow story and understand night sky sitting on my mother's lap.

Later as adult i was again challenged by society and submit to the same. I was no social climber and making to the top. I did not assume I had the capacity. I on the other hand only aim to keep my independence no matter how ad not following instruction.

I looked for a solution not having thick skin of protection but without future. I did not wish any barrier separating me from any of my world. I repeatedly fell in love. I do that even now.

Without consideration of age culture. I have the fortune of being woken up in the morning by my love.

I love my enemy death disease in capacity inability my defects. every moment of mine is bad or good and makes not difference. I do not philosophize but explicitly take care not to prevent. I live in present and not curious about the nature of my present. Every atom of my present is me - identical and identity.

All is me. It is an identity. birth is me. death is me. non fatal is me. fatal is me. every moment is me.

all is me - indivisible indistinguishable inseparable ~ i see i have to see without choice ~ all is me



has anything changed?

No. I still think. I still do. I still write. I still read. Among all these activity I engage in I am absent.

I have no delusion for me I do not have to worry about me or struggle for existence - holy or unholy.

I can do nothing about me - he first and i am identical to my enemy if there is one. I have no claim on my first over my duplicate my enemy who wishes me dead.

First is necessary as well as sufficient for my existence and my world.
Without first, there is no me nor my world where my enemy is roaming free. my enemy's win is my win. my death and pain is cause for my celebration. I am not allowed to pray - neither for me nor for my enemy.

As First I see all as same me.

Do I worry? yes may be. it is luxury i can afford or rewarded by my first.

My world remain as is and I do not have to do any learning.

Had i known the rules of engagement

I had my bias. Dharma. I tried to make changes. It is not possible. I am uncompromising. Sometimes even as a child despite sever punishment. I didn't obey. As an adult I broke society's rule. I took the punishment standing alone.

I did all wrong. I continue do wrong always. It is my Dharma.

Liar lies. Thief steal. No matter what is the prevailing rule of the society. One is unstoppable.

Lying thieving is allowed in the superior rule that accommodate society. Despite all hindrance Dharma makes one prosperous.

Can any be otherwise?

It is impossible. Yet one is subject to reward and punishment from society. There is no relief.

There is no escaping. Except one, all is indiscriminatingly me. I am absent in present. Dead is the word for me.

My Dharma is then I receive one and all naked bare and open. That is always there. That was necessary for being born. What remained to realize by me. That it is sufficient. Brain is required to know this.

why?

My question now is more fundamental.

Given that people is born with bias or characteristics or dharma, if so, it manifest as Karma and eventually has to suffer in this life or many life since the creator is immortal and do not forget. unless by virtue of action can nullify this fruits of one's own action. Which according to law of Karma never be nullified.

It is so in my own experience now that seen it through. Dharma or character does not change till it is recognized so and no attempt to prevent the same can be done. One is destined to live it through.

i have to bear the burden of me - i cannot escape this responsibility.

a snake has to live through being snake.

i have to live through being the victim of jealousy - under no circumstances i can avoid it or ignore it

a thief by dharma is thief and shall be stealing - no escape - and has to consume its karma phol - no escape - some cases for immortal duration

as for learned parasuram

my question far more fundamental to dharma karma and karmaphal

no matter what is my dharma and unchangeable as such and i have to live through it doing karma and consuming fruits of my action for all time as i am immortal no objection from why the very nature of world is never revealed to any or most 

till then one is circling around like a dog chasing its tail and collapse in exhaustion 

why does not one notice the sufficiency of the world to provide for all in plenty no matter what one's nature is and one do not have to do anything 

not even thinking

I ask: why dharma? why karma? why blindness? why immortality? why does not see the escape route - when there is an escape route ~

inaction no matter what
never ever look for being accepted by anyone as creator of the same when knows
one must be absent in one's world

why this knowledge is the last unforgotten record to retrieve

why it is kept at unreachable distance from many

why the delusion of scarcity when there is inexhaustible abundance
why the delusion that money is the only means to access the abundance when it definitely is not